心淡

Dear Diary,

I would like to share a song which crossed my mind.

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想不起　怎麼會病到不分好歹
連受苦都甜美　我每日捱著　不睬不理
但卻捱不死　又去痴纏你
難道終此一生　都要這麼
不可爭一口氣

很謙卑　只不過是我太過愛你
連自尊都忘記　跌到極麻木　只好相信
又再爬得起　就會有轉机
若我不懂憎你　如何離別你
亦怕不會飛

由這一分鐘開始計起　春風秋雨間
恨〔限〕我對你以半年時間
慢慢的心淡　付清　賬單
平靜的對你熱度退減

一天一點傷心過　這一百數十晚
大概也夠我送我來回地獄又接返人間
春天分手　秋天會習慣
苦沖開了便淡

說甚麼再平反　只怕被迫一起更礙眼
往後這半年間　只愛自己
雖說不太習慣　畢竟有限
就當　過關

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I still remember when her keep repeating with the song and said something that I don’t understand because I was still effing dumbo in relationship, of course still single that time. But now, I understand and I’ve recall of her emo.

This girl which was a very best friend and close classmate of mine; I’ve no seen her for years after I’ve graduated. I still remember how sad she was when she told me that her heart like burning and very… very disheartened like a empty tank. I don’t know how it’s feels like that time because I don’t even tried or have a relationship before. All I can do was smile and say: “It’s okay… you’ll meet some one better.”

Years proven, the pictures prove that I’m right… she’s a happy girl now. I feels great whenever I looks at her pictures, the graduation pictures, the smiling face, the sweet smile while hugging her boy, the travelling pictures and so on. She looks great and different than the girl I met, sitting on the bed, emo-ing. And I know, I would never see that face again…

Sometimes, we just have to walk thru our life our journey, to see and realize. I feels bad that I’ve made a lot of mistakes. So now, I should always bare in mind: THINK before hurting yourself badly.

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by Bendan.

© 2011, Bendan. All rights reserved.